nobody is awake to talk me through this

I was surfing randomly - as I do, and I came across a USA agony aunt page from a couple of weeks ago called Ask Amy.  Ask Amy is syndicated and appears in news papers all over the country, but her advice in the Chicago Tribune has people up in arms.

Read here

In summary a girl wrote in asking if she had been raped.  She was drunk at a party in a fraternity house (read drunk college boys' accomodation) and accompanied a guy to his room where she told him that she didn't want to have sex repeatedly.  He acknowledged this, but then proceeded to have sex anyway and she attributes her alcohol induced impaired judgement for being unable to realise what was happening before it happened.

Amy replies indicates that she believes that the girl has been raped.  But she doesn't state it explicitly.  What she does emphasise is the girls poor judgement in being drunk in a frat house and going to the guy's room.

Now Amy is not particularly supportive, comforting or even empathetic.  You know the kind of qualities that you'd hope to find in someone that pedals advice for a living. 

But my gut feeling is that she is right.

What is troubling me is that I have recently been made aware that agreeing with Amy makes me a "rape apologist", I am in fact "criminalising the victim".

In my head it seems so simple.  Two separate but conchordant (did I make that word up?) ideas existing simultaneously and offering no contradiction.

Idea 1

A victim of rape is not to blame for being raped.  Yes even the girl, drunk to the point of incoherency, clambering into the back of an unlicensed mini cab alone at 4am (put your judgements aside now), it is not her fault.  The blame for rape lies solely with the perpetrator's inability to hear and comprehend that "no means no", their need for power and control, their complete disregard for the autonomy of another human being.


Idea 2

There are things that you can do to to decrease your risk of being raped


This is the idea that has Chicagoans up in arms, because it seems that if there are things that can be done to minimise your risk, and you choose not to do those things, then by not doing them you have increased your risk, henceforth, ergo and thus some of the blame rests with you.

Yes?

NO

Look, a woman has the right to and should be able to parade down the high street in a bikini at 3am without being raped.  That doesn't make it an intelligent thing to do because that is not the utopia in which we live.  We live in a society where rape happens, unfortunately with increasing regularity.  Women (and men) PEOPLE should be taught that nobody has the right to lay hands on them if they don't desire it.  But they should also be taught that excessive alcohol drinking lowers their inhibitions and makes them less in control of themselves, that dark alleys have the potential to hold numerous predators, and that sometimes your body can be saying yes even when your mouth is saying no*.

Ahh that last one was hard to type - but be real - it happens - and should be addressed.


So are these ideas more contradictory than they seem? Am I missing something really obvious?



*Seriously though, if you hear a "no", you better get up and go home, whatever else may be happening, protect yourself from being the guy in this scenario.

rocks

A wise man once said:

"when people throw rocks at you you can do one of two things.  You can throw rocks back at them or you can use each rock and build your castle"

OK so the wise man was less Confuscious and more ol' green eyes himself, Mr Terrence Howard.

Don't judge the source.

Sometimes people need words to live by and these are as good as any other.  Actually they're a damn sight better than the con artist Rhonda Byrnes making millions from sharing "The Secret" of positive thinking.

Currently people are throwing rocks.  Not big 'wacky races' style rocks.  More like pebbles.  Small pebbles.  Sand if you will.  Don't underestimate the irritant properties of sand, when it is found in unfortunate places like swimming costumes or eyes it can burn like a...



... hot thing.

But throwing this sand back at these people, does nothing for me except make my arms tired (poor upper body strength you see).  So I need to get on building my castle (see above).

WTH?

"Have a baby by me, baby, be a millionaire"

Now there's a proposition

And all I have to do is...

...hold on

...what now?


And you wonder why I can't stand listening to the radio.

I think that it is fair to say that which is popular is a reflection of the society that elevated it.

Apocalypse now?

fabulosity

So much to say and so little time.

• I read Precious (Push) and watched Good Hair and both inspired tonnes of thought. 
• I saw Corinne Bailey Rae's comeback gig at the tabernacle which has received rave reviews - one of them by me since me and my girl D had our comments featured in the Observer review section - woop!  Unfortunately the pictures were beyond awful so we kept that quiet. 
• I watched Lenny Henry in Othello and was pleasantly surprised by his skill.  Then a few hours later I was disappointed by his dismissal
• I seriously looked into places I can go and live after studying is done.  Requirements include heat, but no bugs, english speaking (french at a stretch), tax-free OR somewhere I can do some good.
• I got my exam results back and totally surpassed my wildest expectations.  

Each of these should be a stand alone post - but I have no tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime - arrrgh!

My obnoxious self centred narssicism has raised it's ugly head - 5/7 sentences start with an "I" and I couldn't care less.

ME, ME, ME gaddammit!!

Everybody needs a day of self love

times are hard!

Gold bullion is forever...throw your gold in sky if you feel the vibe!

I know you've seen them

Those TV ads where groomed men speak in capital letters:

"SELL YOUR GOLD, WE'LL BUY YOUR GOLD FOR CASH CASH CASH SELL SELL SELL SELL AAARAGH!!!"

Usually I'd ignore these men for the hype merchants they are, and google advises that this is the best option since a lot of the www.cashmygold. com type domains have scam-like tendencies.

However a few months ago LondonDiva wrote about selling her gold via a more subtle website, and since times are hard I've decided to follow in her footsteps.  I'm hoping for about 300 squid - which will go towards replacing my malfunctioning lambda probe (but that's another story).

Will be updating...

today i... (pt 2)

 Today I news surfed on the crackberry on the train home:

The Quest to Regain Egypt's Antiquities

FINALLY, Egypt is taking back its stuff! The staff at the Egyptian museum in Cairo want the Rosetta Stone back - can you believe that they have a fake version?

I wonder how the British Museum will respond to their request.

I love the peace and serenity of the British Museum.  I love the Bloomsbury area of London that it resides in.  I love that there is a fantastic comic book store right outside the British museum where I go to reward myself for my intellectual and cultural endeavours.

I do not love that my favourite area of the museum is signposted "Egypt and Africa".  Would they like a map? A globe?  A slap upside the head maybe?  I'm sick of Egypt being treated as a culturally distinct area, seperate from the rest of Africa.  It seems that this is the only way that the world can acknowledge the advanced nature of a civilistation that was ancient to the ancient greeks and romans!  Damn shame that it was on the same continent those black folk came from.

**rant over**

Taxpayers helped Alex Salmond to treat dentist

This one was sent to me by a fellow dental student avoiding revision as something we can aspire to when we qualify.  To paraphrase - a scottish MP (Alex) has got himself into a  bit of trouble after treating his dentist and his wife to a £1,400 meal and VIP tickets to a pop concert event on the taxpayer's dime.

So as an occasional tax payer I am incensed, but on the other hand, Alex had just had root canal treatment the week before.  Unless you have felt the hot throbbing ache of an infected tooth you may not understand the gratitude that some patients feel to their dentists post treatment. Next time hopefully that gratitude will come from his own pocket.


Back to revision - seriously this time

almost there...

Thanks to God, Allah, Krishna, Jehovah, Thor, Ra, Yemaya, The Flying Spaghetti Monster and/ or ___insert your deity of choice___

I'm almost through exam season.

Technically I should be going over notes for the last paper tomorrow - but I'm taking a break to eat Maryland cookies (yum) and catch up on my favourite blogs.

I haven't left my house to do something enjoyable for weeks.  Eva, the eternal homebody is sick of her home, her room and her bed - I never thought that it could happen!

Exam season has been good to me so far.  With no wish to tempt fate, so far things are progressing adequately. 


Not well?

Not well by any stretch of the imagination.  If I had been prepared to put in the necessary work, a distinction would have been imminent.  At the moment I'm hoping for a merit, I think I've passed, I think.  The thinking is driving me nuts.  But it's almost over!

In other news, the chef from one of the best Caribbean restaurants in London (if not the whole of the UK) has moved and opened his own restaurant in Canary Wharf.

Check it out here.  This is where we'll be wining and dining Mum for her birthday next weekend and she has no idea.  If you check out the restaurant you'll realise that its naming was an exercise in vanity.  But believe me when I tell you that this guy's ego deserved to be stroked.  I went to his restaurant in Brick Lane for my birthday and never wanted to leave. 

Perfect cocktails and perfect food

My only peeve was that the menu was full of typos (grammar nazi reporting for service), but hopefully that has been rectified.  If anyone has already tried this restaurant let me know what you thought.

Back to revision... wish me luck