a message to the leering and lascivious...

...you make me hate summer.

I found myself this morning dressing as if donning armour for battle.

Why?

Because in sultry south London, a woman's body becomes community property in summer. The level of community ownership is directly proportional to the physical assets that said woman possesses and I possess said assets.

So my message to all of you optical sex-pests that want to mentally undress me when I leave the house:

Stop the ogling!

A quick appreciative glance is flattering.

A 5 minute stare is not only not flattering, it's borderline harassment.

I actually can't take it. It makes me ridiculously self conscious, hence my need to dress like a centurion on occasion.

*rant over*

kanye is a gay fish?

I know I'm so late with this.

But it is the perfect antidote to the ringa roses foolishness below:



FUNNY!!!

N.B. There is an ad break at 2:08 when the screen goes blank - just keep watching...

ringa roses skank

I originally wanted to write about what an amazing Saturday I had. And brag about the fact that I managed to get through it on less than 2 hours sleep! (yay me!)

But my joy was rudely cut short.

Now Saturday was FABULOUS so you know it took some serious ridiculosity to stamp all over my joy,

This is the reason:



Watch it.
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No seriously you actually have to watch it to understand.

Eva's list of issues:

1. STOP F**KING WITH THE NURSERY RHYMES!!!
2. STOP F**KING WITH THE NURSERY RHYMES!!!
3. This video is proof to the indie market that small budgets do not equal profundity. This must have cost a tenner to make, and that includes cast and crew lunches.
4. The dance is an amalgamation of tribal and migraine skanks with a sprinking of Hskat* in the request to get down low - Eva appreciates originality.
5. The song is crap - Eva is not a fan of the funky.
6. STOP F**KING WITH THE NURSERY RHYMES!!! PLEASE!

(I don't make a habit of swearing, I think that it shows a lack of imagination and a poor vocabulary, but sometimes, SOMETIMES, there's nothing else to say.)

Maybe this depresses me so much because of the copyright infringement. My younger cousins and I invented this dance months ago, along with the Incy Wincy Spider skank (copyright 2009) and the Twinkling Star skank (copyright 2009)!

Knew I should have put that video on youtube (grrr)


*pronouced "haitch-skat" (Heads shoulders knees and toes)

are you kidding me??

TV Execs must be grasping at straws if this is the best they could come up with.

Set The Video: My Life As An Animal, BBC Three, Thursday 16 April, 9pm

I can't quite make out whether this is going to be like watching the televisual equivalent of liquid poo or one the most geniusy things I will ever see in my life. I'm previewing My Life As An Animal because I see it as public duty - if you tune into BBC Three on Thursday night and see human being crawling about on all fours eating dog food you may think someone has spike your tea with some of the most powerful LSD that humanind has ever made, so you definitely need to be warned.

The series itslef sees eight 'celebrities' take part in a reality series and that is being badged, by the channel funnily enough, as an "innovative and bold" experiment. In it, these slebs will try and learn more about animals by sleeping, eating and (trying to) communicate with horses, dogs, pigs, penguins and seals.

Even as I write this I'm struggling not to laugh out loud. Surely it's no more so an important and bold social experiment than Big Brother (and we all know what that is really).

But let's take this seriously just for a second. The volunteers will closely observe the animals to help inform their own behaviour. Then its in with the animals - gaining a place within the strict hierarchy of thoroughbred stallions, winning the trust of a pack of foxhounds, and learning about pigs and their piglets.

And that's where this first episode starts, with pigs. Actor Richard Da Costa and Five Live's Lynsey Hipgrave leave their homes, friends and family behind to live as pigs for four days.

Complete and utter madhouse. Half of me wants to shoot the person who came up for this for finding another new low TV can sink to, but the other half... is curious.

From TV Scoop

I'm not curious, I JUST want to shoot whoever thought of this, and whoever okayed it, and whoever researched it, and whoever else is invoved! Reality TV is the fifth horseman of the apocolypse.